Grieving

I choose this photo to go with the title of grieving because of a story someone told me when I was grieving the loss of my mother when she died. I was told my emotions as I grieved were like the tide or the waves crashing in to shore. It was during those times that it was hardest and feelings were strongest and the gut wrenching pain felt like it would never go away! But then I was reminded that although those waves had to come in they also had to go back out and as they did the waters became calm again. This was to show me my feelings  would pass...I could count on it just as I did the oceans tide. That helped my anxiety!

Today I am grieving my independence. Being sick with a terminal illness (Pulmonary Fibrosis) has slowly changed my life. It is very hard not being able to get out of the house and staying in because of my immune system, using a scooter if I do go out,wearing diapers for my incontinence,having a potty chair next to my bed,not being able to take my own showers,using a shower chair because standing is too hard on my breathing as well as my back and I have to be careful not to put too much pressure on my joints or else I will have a flare. When the flares happen I need help with everything ...Getting dressed, having food brought to me and I can very seldom cook or clean or make a bed. I rely on My Billie the most to help me do what I need to do. I do not drive and Billie has a lot to do to help me if I do go to the grocery store or to a Dr appointment.

The need to rest and take a couple of naps a day help keep my flares down and helps my moodiness and depression and pain. I get tired very easily. As my disease progresses I have to find new norms for myself. It has been a battle to do that but "It is what it is."